matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
