guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize