He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
