And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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