jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize