nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
