Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
