Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
