Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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