I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
