Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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