I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
