so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
