we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
