I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
