It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
