a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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