you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize