If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
