I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
