i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
