After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
