This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
