My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
