Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
