btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've blown a few things in my day
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
