you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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