I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
