I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
