You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
