i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
