so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
