i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize