We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
