The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
