I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
