I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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