ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
