and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
