she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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