please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
