So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
