Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
