Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
