I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
