i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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