What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We got so high we made milksteak
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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