it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
