Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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