You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
