you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
