So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
