You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
vagina is talking i cant
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
