Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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