Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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