Betty ford says i'm here all night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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