He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
