Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
