Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
