he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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