and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
