I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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