he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
