he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
