She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize