I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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