I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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