I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
