Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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