Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dicks are not precious.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize