I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
