I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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