You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
