If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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