I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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