just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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