I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize