We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
