I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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