We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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