Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
