So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
