the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize