That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
