Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize