your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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