I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
