Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
