Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
