Banned from zoo.
Again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
