Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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