I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
