it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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