i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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