I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
