Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Randomize
