I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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