508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
