so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
