I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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