goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
try to milk me bitch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
