I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
