You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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