i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize