hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
