Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize