My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
