I think my vagina is haunted
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize