we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
