This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
