Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
MIDGETS
????
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
