I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
