my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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