U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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