I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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