We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
