he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize