shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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