i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize