I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
