How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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